


Jaskier and Mr. Crab, World-Renowned Musical Duo

by PersonyPepper



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Boyfriends, Desert Island, Desert Island Fic, Established Relationship, Humor, Jaskier | Dandelion Being an Idiot, M/M, Musician Jaskier | Dandelion, Stranded, This Is STUPID, he's a himbo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26145385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PersonyPepper/pseuds/PersonyPepper
Summary: The crab clacks its claws (?) at him, orange shell glowing in the firelight. "Of course you like pets,” he mutters gleefully, slowly reaching out to the crab.“Jaskier, don’t,” Geralt growls, always frowny and grumpy and no fun fun.“Lighten up a little, I’m just giving the little guy some– OW. Fuck, fuck!– GERALT!”Or, Jaskier and Geralt get stuck on an island; Jaskier makes a crustacean friend before promptly losing him and Geralt's tired.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

“Geralt?” Jaskier stares at the crab.

The crab stares back.

“Okay, uh… hello. My name is Jaskier, humble musician, at your service.” The crab blinks at him. Do crabs even blink? Jaskier doesn’t fucking know. Geralt lays some feet away, tending to the fire. They’re probably going to end up eating the crab, but it’s quite impolite to eat someone without making their proper acquaintance… maybe. He’s never actually had to kill something before but– “Do you like pets?”

_“Jaskier._ Geralt warns, but he’s always warning, Jaskier this, Jaskier that– if Jaskier had wanted a nagger to be stuck on an island with, he would’ve chosen his father or some shit. Well, not that he’s really chosen Geralt to be stuck on this island with. Or that he’s really choosing to remain on the uninhabited little island at all, really.

They’re just stuck; Geralt had gone to fly himself back to Miami, and with no flights leaving immediately, Jaskier had tagged along in his little two-person, one passenger plane. And, following cliché, unexpected storm had hit them, blah blah, they’d ended up on the island with much (any) chance if ommunication to the world.

Jaskier isn’t worried, he trusts the buff, hot pilot he’s gotten stranded with. Worst comes to worst, the absolute hunk of a man’ll make a nice raft out of a couple branches and they’d be back in no time. (That and Geralt had said ships come across the island ever so often, they’d probably be back on habited land by the next day.)

The crab clacks its claws (?) at him, orange shell glowing in the firelight. "Of course you like pets,” he mutters gleefully, slowly reaching out to the crab.

“Jaskier, don’t,” Geralt growls, always frowny and grumpy and no fun fun.

“Lighten up a little, I’m just giving the little guy some– OW. Fuck, _fuck!_ – GERALT!” The crab’s sharp pinchers (he doesn’t know what they’re fucking called, does he look like someone who knows shit about crabs?) digs into his finger as he flails around. The stubborn thing doesn’t let go, even as Geralt (grumpily), tries to pry it off. Guess they won’t be eating crab tonight after all.

His finger fucking throbs, turning blue from lack of circulation as he sits by the fire, dejected. “Well,” he mutters, looking at the crab still connected to him via pinch, “I guess I’ll never play guitar again. Can’t strum with a crab attached to your finger.” He looks closer at it. “Or maybe I can– we could become a duo!”

He gestures with his other hand, imagining a banner. “Jaskier and Mister Crab, live at Wembley Arena! Oh, that’s brilliant, don’t you think Geralt?” Geralt huffs and turns away from him. Bitch.

“What do you think, Mister Crab?” The crab stares into the fire before scuttling to look at Jaskier’s (hopeful) face.

Without a clack, it lets go of his finger a quietly walks back into the rising tide.

(Jaskier does not pout, no he does not.)


	2. Chapter 2

Jaskier doesn’t bother looking up when Geralt walks in from checking the mail, front door clicking locked to accompany his steady strums. Jaskier pauses, scribbles notes down into his notebook, and is about to turn back to his guitar when Geralt throws the newspaper at his face.

“Fuck you,” he calls to his boyfriend (the sexual tension of being stranded on an island for a week had translated into mutual romance (though Geralt refuses to call it _romance_ , even half a year later)). 

Geralt hums from the kitchen. “Maybe later.” Jaskier does not chuckle, no he does not, he _has_ a sense of humor, thank you very much.

Jaskier looks down at the newspaper flopped onto the floor, grin falling off his face he looks at the front cover.

Crab From An Ocean Becomes Infamous Food Critic After Shutting Down Five-Star Restaurant, the title reads.

Mister Crab stares at a cupcake. Jaskier stares at Mister Crab.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!”

### 

## 

BREAKING NEWS: Crab From An Ocean Becomes Infamous Food Critic After Shutting Down Five-Star Restaurant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art: Scott Fraser - Crab Cake, 2019
> 
> many thanks to @jezkier for enabling my dumbass writing! 
> 
> lemme know what ya thought lmao
> 
> tumblr's @persony-pepper, come say hi <33

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what ya though lmao
> 
> tumblr's @persony-pepper if you wanna come say hi!


End file.
